Monday, October 20, 2008

Time to Get Focused

Howard's homecoming was amazing! I did a lot of reckless stuff but I at least looked fierce while doing it, lol. In truth I haven't been the smartest person these past couple of days, I may have taken my "celebrating life" them too far and distorted is real intent. Drinking and clubbing is definitely fun, especially when it's with friends but that shouldn't be the full extent of my social life, shouldn't be the focus of my weekend, and definitely shouldn't become the only method of supposedly celebrating life. I don't want to make it seem like I was a drunkard this weekend lol cause I definitely was worse at Reed during Renn Fayre but I realized how superficial the club life really is, which is shocking cause y'all know how much I love going out. I guess I just don't want to turn 22 doing the same stuff, living the same life I've been living since I was 18, even though I didn't even drink my 1st drink until I was 21, I'm already over it lol...

Right now I have two choices: drop out of school or get really focused and do what I need to be doing to get into law school. At least that's how I see things right now, lol, I'm known for wanting it all or nothing, lol. But anyways Kivvy and I basically went clubbing for 3 days straight with various groups of people. I briefly got to drive a Jaguar, that was exciting. Our homecoming ended with Kivvy and foolishly deciding to eat at Hooters out of all places! It was so awkward, like completely obvious we didn't belong there and now I'm clueless now more than ever on how heterosexuals socialize with each other. O, and Kivvy and I saw "W". Kivvy liked it, I kind of thought it was dreadful, but that's not surprising right lol.

See, normally I try to relate what's going on in my life to what's happening in the world or our country, or some aspect of all of our lives. I try to show that there's always a bigger picture than us individually, I try to be positive cause there is already too much negativity in our lives. But I don't know how to do that this time....something is nagging at me and I can't figure out what it is exactly. Usually when this happens I distract myself with politics but nothing has really changed in the political sphere and nothing really won't change until Nov., which I can't think about because my application is due in Nov. 1st and it's no where near completed cause every time I think I'm close something else pops up. I think the biggest thing that's bothering me is that I feel like I'm putting a lot of work into essentially changing my life and subsequently changing who I am to complete this transfer process into Howard. Even though this is an amazing place, filled with many different types of people, I think some part of me doesn't feel like I belong here, or that something is missing. But I wasn't entirely happy being in Portland either which sparked this whole process. Maybe I just need to do something I'm passionate about and that has yet to happen at the moment. I think having a political job would change everything, but I just can't find one at the moment, or one that pays lol. Everyone loves interns that work for free lol.

The great news is I just got a text message that Anu is just now landing in will be in D.C. soon, Amrita should be here already and I'll be seeing both of them very soon! This will definitely be good for putting things in perspective.

2 comments:

i am. said...

howard may be hazardous to your health!

but happiness can cure you!
stay happY!

Dherek Leon said...

I love you Micheal, I don't think I've told you that in a while. But anyways, I think we're both heterophobes, with good reason. Oh and you need to subscribe, or follow or whatever they do in blogs, to my blog. I don't update it everyday, but I try to do it atleast three times a week. Well thats my goal anyway. Muah love ya.