Laying in my Bed

For some reason it is 3a.m. and I have been laying in my bed for the past two hours just trying to sleep. A lot of things are racing through my head right now, its like my brain is in hyper-drive and is determined for me to find a solution for everything potentially bothersome in my life right now. Every since high school, yeah I've developed a lot of habits during high school, I try to reflect on my day as I lay down for bed in order to revisit the mistakes I have made and figure out how I can avoid making them again.

I think whats keeping me up tonight, however, is fear. I am scared of tomorrow and the day after that, even of next week and definitely of next month. Within this past year my life has gone in so many different directions that I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from all the different transitions. So tomorrow scares me because I have absolutely no idea what it holds. In one month I could be almost anywhere at this point, either continuing at Howard, back home, in the military, postponing school all together and just work full time somewhere, or even return to Reed.

In addition, these two months have been challenging for my family also because of the death of an uncle and impending death of a grandmother (on my father's side - not the one I call "granny"). All of this uncertainty of what tomorrow holds just fuels a lot of anxiety that I have yet figured out how to dissipate.

However, lately I have been highly encouraged and the Lord has repeatedly let me know that everything is going to workout for the best if I remain faithful and no longer deviate from what He desires of me. For instance, just today a professor made it clear to me that he understands the importance of me doing well in class and will work considerably close with me to ensure that I finish off well. This happened a day after I was unnecessarily stressed that I would not do well on the final paper and fail his class, which would result with me not being accepted into Howard. Also, Reed has given me a scholarship that will help finish paying for the rest of this semester. Finally, I continue to receive emails of encouragement and messages of love from various individuals who are important in my life. Even though these messages come randomly and unsolicited, they come right when I need to hear from them the most. I will never forget the day when I was frustrated with Howard because they were almost two months behind in paying me and I was almost in tears one day as I checked my mail reminding me of my financial obligations that I couldn't at the time do anything about. As I was going through the envelops one by one slowly getting more and more discouraged the last item was a postcard from a friend I honestly never expected to hear from offering kind words of encouragement and support.

Despite my confidence that everything is going to workout for the best I am still scared, I am still laying here awake, not knowing what to prepare myself for, not knowing what to expect tomorrow. Yet this anxiety is unlike any form of anxiety I have ever felt before. I am also oddly excited. Even though I am scared of tomorrow I also can't wait to wake up in the morning (or in this specific case in a couple of hours). These next couple of weeks and months are going to be new territory for me, the beginning of a new era of my life where I would face new challenges, develop new relationships, and explore even more aspects of life. I can't help but feel that the events that took place these past few years were necessary for what I am about to branch out into within the coming months.

And if I really want to get deep I shouldn't be anxious at all, tonight is no different than some random night three years ago. Because in all honesty we never know what tomorrow really holds, our lives can literally change at any moment for better or worse. That is definitely a cliche that rings erringly true. Now hopefully I won't over sleep when the alarm goes off because Lord knows I really shouldn't miss class tomorrow lol.

Mixed Feelings About President Obama

I am obviously excited by the election of President-elect Obama! Howard of course went crazy! The police came out in pack when I was returning to my room by the time I got done celebrating but even they were friendly and excited. But I did find something slightly disturbing as I was walking through the crowds of exceptionally excited people around Howard University, I kept hearing "my President is Black" over and over again. For some reason that hit an uncomfortable spot for me. I definitely understand the historic significance of this election but I guess it was because race was such a focus point for so many of his supporters that I found uncomfortable. When Obama won the election I was exceptionally proud to be an American. However, not just because a Black man was elected but more for the fact that it shows that we as a country are evolving, our perspectives are expanding and including more diverse ideas for what we want our country to evolve to. I am not a supported of Obama because he is Black but because he is a representation of what I ideally want America to become. If I had more time to observe Palin I probably would have supported her even more because our political views are more aligned and she too is a perspective that America needs to evolve into even more greatness.

Transfer Letter to Howard University

Hey yall, I wanted yall to read my transfer letter to Howard cause I love it lol....but in general its just my thought process:

Transfer Admission Letter: Elements of Progression

Even though the transfer application did not specifically require any type of personal letter by the applicant my devotion to being accepted into Howard leads me to put my application in context. Throughout a significant portion of my life I have been led by my passions and morals, which has consistently pushed me into situations where I attempt to make a substantial difference. I specifically remember my years at The Chinquapin School, which is the high school I attended, where at the age of sixteen I was already labeled as an inspiring reformer mostly because of my assistance with exposing the often times damaging affect systematic homophobia had on the academic and social success of sexual minorities. Witnessing how Chinquapin evolved to become more accepting, supportive, and adapting to the current cultures of younger generations ignited the fiery drive that encourages me to define my existence as an element of social change.

My mission in life quickly revolved around the idea of helping and being involved in the progression of my communities regardless of where I am located geographically. Therefore, when I moved from Houston to attend Reed College in Portland Oregon I maintained these same values. Except at Reed the situations were quite different than Chinquapin’s. Apparently in the socially liberal northwest there was no need for raising awareness of sexual minority challenges, especially within the Reed community, which is often advertised as a community of tolerance and acceptance of diverse lifestyles. However, at Reed there were a new set of challenges that were not exactly being addressed in any public fashion. It is no real secret that Reed can be a host of anti-Christian and anti-multicultural values, which is clearly shown by Reed’s slogan “Atheism, Communism, Free-love” that is suppose to play on the stereotypes of Reed culture but instead operates as an exact reflection from my experience. Despite entering this environment as a somewhat sheltered Missionary Baptist and instead of reacting with shock and making inappropriate judgments affect my relationships, my drive to uplift whatever community I am apart of initiated my passion to help Reed fulfill its goal of truly becoming an institution devoid of intolerance.

Whenever any form of social movement aimed at some form of social progress is initiated there is usually a fair amount of resistance in the beginning until the social movement becomes relatively popular. Therefore, it was not a surprise when elected to student government as a senator at Reed along with creating the Black & African Student Union that my passion and devotion towards issues of multiculturalism was faced with an unfortunate level of resistance from many aspects of the Reed community. The majority White population did not understand, at the time, the many challenges of minority students and many of their reactions to my proposals and various leadership positions were based off of this lack of understanding. Even though, several members of the Reed community proclaim that I have managed to positively influence the often times oppressive culture that has the tendency to smother real multiculturalism, at the time I only recognized the failures. The failure to achieve an appropriate anti-discrimination policy passed by the administration, the failure to create a general understanding of multicultural challenges, the failure to eliminate what was interpreted as a pervasive racist atmosphere that had the tendency to place students of color in exceptionally difficult situations, and the failure to create a minority community organized enough to respond to these unfortunate challenges. By the end of my sophomore year these failures became so disheartening that that passion, drive, and devotion that kept me encouraged and persistent every since high school became faint and in consequence what I have begun to define as my life's purpose started to dismantle and in someways gave the impression my life was not a beneficial element to society as I so strongly wish it to be.

When it became clear that I needed to be re-inspired and essentially take a break from Reed it was highly recommended that I participate in an exchange program to Howard University for the Fall of 2007. During my first week at Howard I immediately started to recognize this transition and experience as necessary in order for me to fully develop into an appropriate element of social-political progress. I also recognized that simply participating in one semester at Howard or even two is not enough to gain a sufficient level of academic and cultural knowledge that is undeniably prevalent throughout the Howard community.

Historically, social-political progression is typically inspired and a transformation from the accomplishments and failures of past social movements. Therefore, it is safe to assume that in order to be a productive element of social progression one has to have background knowledge and understanding of their society's past social movements. Howard University is a host for this background knowledge and is composed of an extraordinary amount of exceptionally skilled individuals who have an understanding of our society's culture, history, and social-political movements. Finishing my academic career at Howard would not only be a blessing to my development as an element of social-political progress but will give me the tools needed to be an effective leader of our many communities. If I was to have a theme for my mission in life it would revolve around the idea of “being a blessing to the world” however I have learned that in order to be a blessing you have to be blessed, by accepting me as a transfer student for Spring 2009 you will essentially be that blessing I need to help change the world. Thank you for reading this letter, I appreciate your time and effort put into reviewing this application. May God bless you.

sincerely,

Michael C. Webb Jr.